I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize