I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
