I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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