So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
