he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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