she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
love makes seman taste better
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
