i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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