We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
