Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
