I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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