I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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