Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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