Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
