i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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