I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
