You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
