you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
