she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
