The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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