Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
