Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
