nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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