I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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