i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize