I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
