Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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