You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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