His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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