her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
