that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I love you. Go after that dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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