Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
