Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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