So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
