i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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