his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
