he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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