remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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