taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
