the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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