well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
