you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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