I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
