it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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