You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
