my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
that may or may not have been my penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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