That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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