actually, I'm a sock model
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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