Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
