I just saw a hot homeless man
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
