Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
