Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
