Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
