It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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