so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
