I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
