You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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