It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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