probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize