I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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