His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
