he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
