I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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