you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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