i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
