she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
