I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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