i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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