Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
