i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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